


Exceptional

by lyngan



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: (FrUK cheating not PruCan), Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Angst, ITS ALL ANGST, Implied/Referenced Cheating, LIKE SERIOUS ANGST, M/M, background frUK/FACE family, vaguely implied sexual promises but nothing explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-17 09:33:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13656261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyngan/pseuds/lyngan
Summary: Matthew's parents relationship broke down, badly. It has left him incredibly wary of relationships and when he starts falling for his best friend and co-worker he decides it's too complicated and breaks off the relationship. He didn't really think about the fallout from that, and having to work with the man he's secretly in love with.





	1. Keep hold of your heart

There were a lot of things Matthew didn’t believe in; fate, destiny, love. He’d seen too many times how these supposed phenomena worked out. Every time he saw people announce their love on social media he couldn’t help but think of his parents. They’d had troubles for as long as he had existed; so, when feelings like love and dependency started to arise in his relationships Matthew would break them off. Keep himself distant, keep himself safe.

His parents had loved each other. He knew that beyond all doubt. The problem was that love was not enough to sustain them. So, when he lay watching Gilbert sleep, disbelieving that he would feel things like this for his friend with benefits, he couldn’t help but remember everything his Papa had told him and everything his Dad had said.

“Do not give your heart to someone, for you cannot take it back”

“Keep your heart guarded, once somebody takes it they can choose what to do with it”

Splitting time between parents with that much damage between them had been hard, still was hard. They never stopped loving but the love had turned sour, everything they used to like about each other had turned into less than the issues that had caused them to split. They had been fracturing for years and finally Francis had gone on a business trip and he’d met _Her_. Neither of Matthew’s parents would ever give _Her_ a name.

Francis had told Arthur immediately upon returning home that he had slept with someone else. He’s begged and pleaded with Arthur to not leave, that he was sorry, that he would do anything, that he realised how much he loved Arthur, how much he wanted to make it work. Arthur had told him, with the coldest face Matthew had ever seen, that he would take a few days to think about it. He’d never come back. Francis had tried his best to hold it together for the boys but Matthew had seen those moments where he thought they were asleep, that they were busy. He’d seen his Papa cry. He’d seen his Papa’s heart truly break when talking on the phone, Arthur had informed him that he’s bought a new house and they needed a schedule to see the boys.

Francis had become a serial dater.

Arthur on the other hand had made a pact to never lose his heart like that again. He’d taught his children to be cautious with their affection. He’d spent as much time with the boys as he could but managing two children when you couldn’t even look their other parent in the face was not easy and eventually, when Matthew and Alfred were teenagers they’d each chosen a parent to spend more of their time with. Alfred had chosen first. He’d chosen Arthur. So Matthew had no choice, not really. He saw the pain in his Papa’s eyes and he’d had to make the choice.

Each brother had taken after their parent in quite striking ways. Alfred didn’t date, ever. He focused on work and he got a ferret and he worked out. Matthew occasionally wondered if his brother was asexual or if he had just taken after their Dad that strongly. Matthew on the other hand had become somewhat of a slut. He dated, he had friends with benefits, he had one-night stands. Nothing ever lasted more than a week or two.

Except Gilbert.

Gilbert had come up to Matthew his first day on the job. Matthew had been trying to blend in, to act like he knew what he was doing. At his first break, and with nobody showing him where the break room was he’d sat at his desk and read his book. Gilbert had plonked a travel-coffee cup on his desk “I hope you like black coffee, because I got you back coffee and I got me black coffee”

Since that day Gilbert had wormed his way into Matthews life. It wasn’t a problem, Matthew had friends. Friends were safe, you kept them at arm’s length and they couldn’t hurt you. Gilbert didn’t know much about Matthew, even having been his friend for two years. He’d volunteered so much of himself, Matthew knew about Gilbert’s brother, his brother’s boyfriend, their dogs. He knew about Gilbert’s father, how he’d had to work hard to earn enough for Gilbert and his brother to eat and how Gilbert had basically raised his brother. He knew Gilbert wanted a dog but didn’t think he was reliable enough to keep one alone. How he took his coffee, that his dream career had been chef until he’d successfully burnt the entirety of both of his forearms so badly he would still have scars if he didn’t have tattoos to cover them.

Gilbert on the other hand, could tell a grand total of 5 facts about Matthew. He took his coffee black with a little maple syrup, he liked to keep things tidy, he could handle his booze, he was a very flirtatious dancer, and he lived alone.

Gilbert was never as good at keeping his secrets once he’d drunk a little too much. They’d both got a little too tipsy on one night out and Gilbert had talked about his last relationship. “She was a bitch!” he announced into the crowded bar

“Who?”

“My Ex”

Matthew laughed “Everybody says that”

“She told me she wanted to inject to excitement into the bedroom” he’d announced then leaned in toward Matthew and stage whispered “With a threesome” he looked at Matthew for a long time for some kind of reaction. “Do you think I’m boring in bed?” he asked

“I’d have to test to find out”

“Well let’s test” Gilbert had challenged, and learned one more thing about Matthew in the process, he could not resist a challenge, especially when tipsy. Matthew had gone back to Gilbert’s flat with him. They’d kissed in the hallway and stripped off shirts before they even reached the bedroom. Another fact about Matthew that Gil hadn’t been expecting was the tattoo over his heart. A red maple leaf surrounded by black barbed wire.

The next morning Gilbert had brought Matthew coffee for his hangover. “So what do you want to do about this?” Gil asked

Matthew had stalled by taking a drink of coffee before he said anything. “I’m not big into relationships”

“So one off?”

Matthew had smiled “And let such an excellent lay escape my grasp?”

That was when Gilbert had realised Matthew was a slut, and also when he realised he liked that. “So…?”

“I propose friends with benefits. That way we stay friends, but we also stay bedfellows”

“Bedfellows?” Gilbert snorted then bit his lip, considering the proposal “Promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“You’re not going to ask me for a threesome and then leave me for the other guy”

“Your ex is a bitch”

 

It had been two years since that night and their relationship, such as it was, had been working perfectly for them. They were friends during the day and when either was frustrated or just wanted a lay they’d text the other. Matthew had even let Gil come over to his place once or twice when his brother was in town. Something he never did in any other FWB relationship. And here it was, the results of letting someone that close to him. Matthew stared at Gil feeling all that pain that he had seen in his fathers’ eyes when their relationship had broken.

Gil started to stir and Matthew closed his eyes against the tears that threatened him. He made his breathing deep and even. Gil would probably wake up, see that Matthew was asleep and let himself out. He didn’t want to over stay his welcome. That was what he had texted the first time Matthew had let him come over and he’d been gone before Matthew had awoken. He knew Matthew liked his privacy.

Gil did exactly as Matthew expected. He slipped quietly from the bed and left equally silently. Matthew slid down under his covers and let the tears come. What was he going to do? He’d let Gilbert into his heart and now he had no defences left.

“Papa, what do I do?” he texted

“About what mon cher?”

“I think I have feelings for someone”

“Act on them?”

Matthew put his phone away. He thought briefly of texting his Dad but thought better of it. Arthur would just tell him that the feelings would go away on their own eventually but Matthew had a sneaky suspicion they wouldn’t.


	2. "I thought it would impress people... apparently not"

Matthew was avoiding Gilbert. Gilbert knew it but he couldn’t quite figure out why his friend would be doing that. He might have thought it had something to do with their activity on Saturday night except for the fact that it was now Thursday and Matthew was _still_ avoiding him. He had tried cornering Matthew at several points during the week but the little weasel (he used little in the loosest sense of the words here since Matthew had to be at least 6-foot-tall) had slipped away every time. Gilbert had to admit he was the distractible type but this was getting ridiculous. He had done everything he could think of to ask Matthew what was wrong, talking in person, texting, email. He’d wracked his brain for what he might have done to cause this reaction. Something at work? Something he’d said? Something he’d done? But he couldn’t find any answers.

Finally he’d run out of patience, it had been five days! Five! That was too many days to not speak to your best friend. Although he wasn’t exactly sure he and Matthew were best friends. He considered Matthew his best friend but Matthew was somewhat of an enigma.

Gil was done being subtle. Well… he was done being avoided at any rate. So he’d put his lock picking skills to good use and broken into Matthews flat. He’d sat on the bed and waited for his colleague to get home. He wasn’t doing anything too ridiculous, like waiting naked on the bed… he’d learnt his lesson about that one with his ex. But Matthew wouldn’t have much of an escape from his own flat, it wasn’t like work or the coffee shop where Matthew had other places he could pretend he needed to be.

The distinctive jingle of keys in the hallway had Gilbert nervous. He really hadn’t thought this through. How was Matthew going to react when he found Gilbert had _broken into his home_! Gilbert glanced around a little desperately for a hiding spot then realised that would be so much worse. He couldn’t climb out of the window unless he wanted to die or at the very least break a limb so he waited. The jingle stopped. Gil listened intently for sounds of Matthew. Next thing he knew, Matthew, still in his work clothes and brandishing an ice hockey stick like a weapon came charging into the room. He stopped when he realised it was Gilbert but not before Gilbert had backed himself into the corner with his hands held defensively in front of him.

Heart pounding Gil stepped out of the corner when Matthew held the stick down by his side. “What the actual fuck are you doing? How did you get in? Why was the door unlocked? Did you steal my spare key? Gil that’s really creepy!”

“What? No! I didn’t steal anything! I just picked the lock!” Gilbert waved his hands in front of him desperately trying to fan away the accusations

“Oh, that’s so much better” sarcasm fell heavy between them then silence. Matthew put the hockey stick down by the bedroom door and sighed

“You’ve been avoiding me all week” Gilbert said softly “I figured you couldn’t avoid me here”

“Why do you know how to pick locks?” Matthew asked without looking at Gilbert

“I took a class”

“Why?” finally those indigo eyes flicked up to meet Gilbert’s

“I thought it would impress people… apparently not…”

Matthew rubbed his face “I have to put my shopping away” he muttered, abruptly exiting the room and picking up a bag that had been discarded by the door. Gilbert followed him into the kitchen where he watched Matthew put a lot of ice cream into his freezer and a lot of maple syrup into his cupboards.

“Geez, you eat like a 10-year-old kid left at home for a weekend or like a heartbroken chick in a movie” Gil commented but stopped short when Matthew looked at him his face frozen between annoyance and something else. Something hidden behind his eyes that Gilbert really wanted to name but couldn’t quite figure out.

“What did you want Gil?” he asked, exhaustion evident in his every move

“I want to know why you’ve been avoiding me. Did I do something? Did I say something? Was it about Saturday night?”

Matthew sat at his dining table and looked up at Gil. “You didn’t do anything. There is nothing wrong. I haven’t been avoiding you”

“Bullshit Matt!” Gilbert snapped “We talk every day! We haven’t talked once this week!”

“Yes, we have -”

“Oh! You know coffee drops don’t count! You’ve talked to me as much this week as you talked to Steve! And I know for a fact you don’t even like Steve!”

“I like Steve” Matthew countered quietly

“You think his moustache is a – how did you put it? – a disgrace to all facial hair and therefore anyone who can potentially grow facial hair”

“Well yes, but that just means I don’t like his moustache”

Gilbert ran his hands through his hair and sat across the table from his best friend and sometimes lover. “Matt, what is it? What’s bothering you? I know you don’t exactly like to talk about yourself but I need to know, whatever it is I can fix it” he reached for Matthew’s hands “Please?”

Matthew wouldn’t look at him again, he smiled sadly “You can’t fix it Gil. You didn’t do anything wrong. Really you didn’t. I just… I don’t think I can do this anymore”

“Do what? The Benefits thing? That’s fine, we can go back to being just friends”

“No” Matthew pulled his hands away and stood “I don’t think I can be friends with you anymore. I’m sorry Gil. You should go”

Gilbert felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “Oh…” he sat for a moment longer before action overtook him. He needed to leave. Matthew had told him to leave. He all but fell out of the chair, his legs tangled in chair legs and stumbled to the door.

He needed to leave. Matthew had told him to leave. They weren’t friends anymore. He let himself out and heard the door lock behind him. The noise symbolising the end of life as he had come to know it. He and Matthew weren’t friends anymore. He needed a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note on Matthew's height. I have a headcanon that the size and/or relative power of the nation directly correlates to their physical size (ie: Canada is the 2nd largest landmass ergo he's tall). I know most people put Matthew as shorter than Gilbert (or everyone) but I just don't see how that works.


	3. Your Usual?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops, this is pretty long

Matthew had watched Gilbert across the office floor. His desk was close to Matthews but far enough away that they didn’t distract each other. At least that was the theory. Gilbert looked like shit. Over the past two weeks he had looked worse each day. He’d never been particularly adept at hiding when he was tired, ill, or hungover due to his albinism. Over the past two weeks the bags under his eyes had become more pronounced as the days passed and his arrival at work kept getting later and later.

When the boss pulled Gilbert in to “have a chat” Matthew’s head hit the desk. It was all his fault. Gilbert was being reamed out by his boss and it was almost certainly because of Matthew. His parents hadn’t prepared him for what to do if he was the one who hurt someone.

Gilbert emerged from the office almost an hour later looking thoroughly chastised. His eyes flitter over Matthew’s station, accidentally meeting the younger man’s gaze for one intense moment before he flinched away. Matthew took his 10 minutes break as soon as Gilbert had sat back down. He couldn’t cope with the feeling he was ruining Gilbert’s life, how had he become his Papa without even cheating.

Matthew walked to the nearby coffee chain that he used to frequent with Gilbert. They would sit in the window seat and cackle about their co-workers over their lunch breaks. Matthew stared wistfully at the table, it was empty. He looked away, instead scrutinizing the board as if deciding what drink to order despite the fact that he always ordered the same thing.

He knew the look Gilbert wore. It was the same one he had seen on his Dad’s face whenever he’d let himself think about Matthew and Alfred’s Papa. Matthew rubbed at his face. He hadn’t been sleeping well either, compartmentalizing his feelings to such an extent that he could barely feel anything anymore. He’d been throwing himself into work as much as he could.

Matthew didn’t realise he hadn’t ordered until the person behind him spoke. They placed their own order. He apologised quietly and nodded when the barista asked if he’d like his usual. Matthew paid without paying attention to his total and waited for his drink to appear at the end of the counter. When two travel cups with ‘Williams’ written on them in messy script appeared he blinked at them for a good long moment.

“Your usual” the barista explained to his quizzical glance “One black coffee, one black with maple” when Matthew still didn’t respond she tilted her head in confusion “one for you and one for your friend. We haven’t seen you two in a while, Nat said you’d broken up but I just didn’t believe it, you know?”

Matthew tried to paste a smile on his face. He knew he was pale, like he’d seen a ghost but he took the two coffees and turned back to the office. He walked slowly, wanting to make the most of his break and wondering how in hell he was going to manage this. He couldn’t drink two large coffees to himself, if he took them up to the office people were going to ask questions. Nobody else took their coffee black and even if they did he wasn’t close enough to anyone to give them a coffee. He couldn’t very well give it to Gilbert. He stood outside the building, coffees hot in his hands in the cold air and stared at the door.

Eventually Matthew’s watch beeped, alerting him that his 10 minutes were up and he needed to go inside now or risk reprimands. Matthew took both coffees up to their floor and, instead of walking around the very edge of the room, dodging stacks of boxes and papers and unfinished paperwork, he slipped through the centre, passing Gilbert’s desk and casually placing the coffee in it’s designated spot on his desk before slipping away without saying a word. After all, Gilbert had said it himself, coffee drops didn’t count.

When Matthew sat at his desk he glanced at Gilbert who was staring at him, red eyes wide and striking, especially with how drained the rest of his face looked. Matthew looked away quickly, sipping his own drink and concentrating on work. He steadfastly refused to look at Gilbert again for the rest of the day.

“Hey Dad!” Matthew greeted on the phone as he was leaving the office for the day. People stopped to look at him. He supposed that people didn’t really know anything about him, and this tidbit (that he was on good terms with his Dad) would become some grail of knowledge about him that they would try and befriend him with.  “how are you?”

“Your father texted me” was what Arthur said

“Papa did?” Matthew stopped short to avoid tripping over his own feet. _Shit!_ He’d just let the whole office know that he had two fathers, that was definitely going to bite him in the ass later.

“I was equally surprised” Arthur’s words were clipped

“What did he want?”

“Apparently you’re not answering him and he’s concerned for your wellbeing.”

Matthew felt tears well up in his eyes, emotion winning out over numbness and he dashed out of the building. He ended up in the short alley that housed the buildings bins when the tears spilled from his eyes. “Dad I messed up”

“What happened?”

Matthew leaned against the wall “I hurt someone – someone I care about”

“How?” Trust Arthur to not be the reassuring parent, he had always stressed the importance of taking responsibility for your own actions

“I told him I couldn’t be his friend anymore” Matthew sobbed “Dad I – I think I was in – he could have hurt me” Matthew let his head fall back against the wall and covered his face with his free hand. “I panicked”

“Apologies exist for a reason” Arthur’s tone was teasing. Matthew was pretty sure his Dad didn’t know he was crying

“That didn’t change anything for you and Papa” Matthew let it slip out, he hadn’t meant to say it, he never said it. He loved his parents, he didn’t want to cause them any pain.

“You didn’t cheat on your friend, Matthew.” Arthur’s tone had gone from teasing to clipped in an instant. Matthew knew he had overstepped a line. “Call Francis, he’s worried” and with that he was gone. Matthew sunk down to a crouch. His stomach hurt and whether that was because the only decent meal he got in a day was his one at work or because his emotional pain was manifesting in a physical way didn’t matter. To his abject horror he let out a sob. He needed to pull himself together, at least enough to get home.

Another week passed by and Matthew didn’t speak to Gilbert. Things had got intense at work, something or other had a deadline that was pushed up and everyone had to work twice as hard to get it finished. By Friday everyone was stretched to their limits. Having finished the workload before lunch the boss ordered an impromptu office party. Matthew wanted to go home but he was contracted for 40 hours and, even if he wasn’t working but attending a work party, he couldn’t leave.

That was how Matthew got a little tipsy at work.

Gilbert hadn’t touched the alcohol. He’d been looking better over the recent week, still tired but his eyes weren’t so bloodshot. He was still beautiful. Matthew’s tipsy brain wanted to tell him that. Matthew was stood in the corner, sipping at his wine – the PA who had been sent on the mission to gather party supplies hadn’t bought any other alcohol and the orange juice had run out fast. Matthew couldn’t handle his wine, he was a beer or whiskey drinker at heart.

Gilbert was apparently a social butterfly, flitting between groups of people. Matthew shouldn’t be surprised, after all it was Gilbert who had come up to him on his first day. Matthew was irritated to find stabbings of jealousy in his chest. He tried to ignore them and drank some more wine.

The party ended with the working day, partially because people wanted to go home and partially because they hadn’t booked the space late so the cleaners came to throw the last few out. Matthew was one of those few, more drunk than he had intended and Gilbert was another.

“Why didn’t you leave at 5?” Matthew’s voice was slightly slurred

Gilbert looked up at him slowly “Are you drunk?”

“You didn’t answer my question”

“I didn’t – ugh” Gilbert ran a hand through his glorious silver hair “I didn’t want to go home, I didn’t want to be alone. God Matt, why do you think? This party was shit, it was worse than shit because we should have been stood in that corner together, not getting drunk, and watching everyone else make fools of themselves! And anyway, why are you talking to me when we’re not friends anymore!” his voice was cutting and his words brought tears to Matthew’s eyes. When Gilbert noticed he put a hand out to touch his once-friends arm “Fuck, Matt, I didn’t mean…” Gilbert looked around fairly desperately but there was nobody else around who could help him deal with emotional and drunk Matthew. “You’re the one who said it, not me” he said finally.

Matthew followed Gilbert down the street

“Go home Matt” Gilbert called over his shoulder

“mm-kay” Matthew agreed, still following Gilbert.

Gilbert didn’t live far from the office and before Matthew realised they had reached Gilbert’s place. Gilbert didn’t open the door, key in hand he turned to face Matthew with a sag to his shoulders. “Matthew” he sighed, defeated, eyes showing the pain that his once-friend being here was causing him. “You’ll regret being here once you’ve sobered up”

“Probably” Matthew agreed

“Then why are you here”

“Because I hurt you” Matthew’s mind flashed once again to the moment his parents broke. Matthew knew the pain showed on his face because Gilbert opened his front door and invited Matthew inside.

Matthew was drunk enough to be losing time because he wasn’t sure how he got from Gilbert’s front door to his old and worn sofa with a solid metal mug of water being proffered by Gilbert. Matthew took a long drink. He was somewhat glad of the liquid courage because it made what he was about to say a whole hell of a lot easier. “My parents split up when I was really young” he blurted

Gilbert sighed and sat in the armchair across from Matthew. He’d been around drunk Matthew enough times to know when a tirade would begin, whether that tirade was something that revealed a little more of Matthew under the surface or how Matthew felt about liquid laundry detergent was only to be discovered by letting the tirade happen.

 

Matthew felt like he’d eaten a whole beach worth of sand. His mouth was dry, his head ached, his eyes didn’t want to open and he could see the light through them. He groaned quietly. Why had he let himself get this hungover? What had he drunk? Oh yeah, the wine. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, looking around he was surprised to find himself in Gilbert’s flat. Not only was he in Gilbert’s flat but there was a blanket that had fallen off his shoulder when he sat up.

Matthew didn’t have much time to contemplate what it meant that he was at Gilbert’s as pain spiked in his head. He stumbled to the kitchen, incredibly glad he knew his way around his… around Gilbert’s home. Gilbert was in the kitchen and Matthew stopped short, desperately wanting to get himself water but frozen by those eyes.

“Morning” Gilbert greeted, rising from his perch at the table and grabbing a mug which he promptly filled with water and handed to Matthew

Matthew accepted the mug and blinked a few times, memory flashing to the previous night. He sipped the water and frowned. “Did I…?” he started to ask but couldn’t think of a way to phrase it that didn’t tell all if he hadn’t already

“You were drunk” Gilbert said cautiously

“No shit Sherlock”

“And you told me about your parents” he sat back at the table and sipped from his own mug. From the smell, Matthew could guess it was coffee.

“Oh…” Matthew took the seat opposite Gilbert and drank some more water “What exactly?”

“That your Papa cheated, it broke your Dads heart, you didn’t believe in love or at least didn’t trust it” Gilbert sighed and drank his coffee, not making eye contact “You told me you loved me” he said finally

“Oh” Matthew said again

“But you were drunk so” Gilbert rose to pour another cup

“So?” Matthew asked

“So” Gil said leaning on the counter “I figure I should pretty much disregard that.” He looked at Matthew just a moment too long before asking “shouldn’t I?”

“Um…” Matthew didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell Gilbert that he loved him, he wanted to run, he wanted to fling himself at Gilbert and wanted to never see him again. He looked into his water, seeing his indigo-eyes, bloodshot as they were, indecisively staring back at him.

“Come on Matt” Gilbert sighed, looking away, “You don’t love me”

And here it was, that pain his parents had warned him about. Maybe he’d hurt Gilbert by trying to protect himself but clearly his efforts had gone wrong somewhere down the line. Gilbert had recovered, come back even stronger and Matthew was still the one getting hurt. Love hurt everyone and he should have been better prepared. To his horror he once again felt the tears well up. He didn’t want to cry in front of Gilbert, he didn’t want Gilbert to know.

“Matt?” Gilbert asked.

The sound of the nickname that nobody else called him coming out of Gilbert’s mouth after telling Matthew that he didn’t love him was enough to push the tears from potential to reality. Thankfully the ugly sobbing had been left behind with the conversation with Arthur.

“And what if I did Gil? What then?” the nickname slipped out, it may have been two weeks since they’d spoken properly but it didn’t change how Matthew felt

“Then you’re an idiot” Gilbert laughed until he looked up from his coffee cup and saw the tears on Matthews face. He shot across the room and pulled the chair around the table to be at Matthew’s side.

Gilbert had never been good a comforting. Matthew had never been good at being comforted. And yet there they were. One in need of comfort and one who desperately wanted to give it. “Love hurts people” Matthew said “It always has and it always will. If you think any different you’re just fooling yourself” he sniffled “It doesn’t last. You can’t rely on it.”

“So what?”

“So even if I did love you I would be an idiot for letting it get that far. I always call these things off before feelings can develop. Ugh, why didn’t I realise?” Matthew wiped at his eyes angrily “We would have stopped sleeping together and everything would have been fine and I wouldn’t have lost my only friend and I wouldn’t be sobbing at your kitchen table right now”

“No” Gilbert said sternly “So what if it doesn’t last? So what if it hurts people? IT looks like you’re pretty hurt already. Why does it hurt more if you try?”

“Because you don’t love me back” Matthew stated

“Who told you that?”

“You did?”

“I did? When?”

“You called me an idiot”

Gilbert smiled “Because I’m uselessly untidy and I let you slip through my fingers. I said you were an idiot because you could do so much better… at least I thought you could, although actually with your tragic backstory – finally unlocked at level, what? 17?” Matthew laughed at Gilbert’s stupid gaming joke “maybe you need someone who’s as much of an idiot as you are.”

“What do you mean Gil?”

“I mean if you can actually stick around for more than one night at a time” he looked away for a moment, steeling himself for what he was about to say “then I think we could make it work. You aren’t either of your parents Matt, and if it’s not working we talk about it.” Gilbert got up to pace “God, you parents really did a number on you”

“Alfred’s the same” Matthew muttered

“Alfred?”

“My brother, we’re twins”

Gilbert turned to stare at Matthew then shook his head “okay, step one on the ‘lets try dating’ ladder, _tell your boyfriend things about you_ ”

Matthew blinked “step one on the what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... I was wrong... there is definitely at least 2 more chapters. Happy Valentines Day!


	4. Judgey Budgey

Gilbert was worried. He had tried texting Matthew when he hadn’t shown up for work. He wondered if he was sick but then Laura had told him that Matthew had taken holiday time. Gilbert admitted to himself that it stressed him out. Matthew hadn’t gone off the grid before and Gilbert didn’t know if it was his fault. He had been working hard not to stress Matthew out, to let him take his time. Yeah, they’d been inseparable since that first date but they’d been like that before too.

It didn’t help that, for the entire day people kept asking Gilbert where Matthew was. Gilbert wanted to ring Matthew, to contact him endlessly and make sure he was okay. Letting Matthew have the distance he needed was something Gilbert had no qualms with but he was a clingy person, he always had been and between laying back so Matthew felt comfortable and being abandoned he knew they were going to have some really uncomfortable talks when Matthew got back.

After work Gil was restless and antsy. He headed to Matthew’s place to see if he was there, having successfully held himself back from bombarding the man with phone calls, voicemails, texts and other communications. When nobody answered the buzzer Gilbert remembered that Matthew had said something about a car. He walked into the garage and saw the space for Matthew’s car empty. What had he said about using his car? Shopping and to visit family. Gil hope nothing bad had happened.

 

Matthew let himself into Alfred’s house. It was the same as ever, weirdly cowboy themed with Freedom’s setup in the corner of the living room. The ferret chirped when he saw Matthew and Matthew let him out and petted him gently. He made himself some coffee as he waited for Alfred to get home from work.

Matthew was sat on the sofa watching some truly awful ate afternoon TV when the door opened. He turned around to see Alfred, laughing and turned away from the living room, with another man. Alfred turned around when he heard Freedom chirping. He froze when he saw Matthew on his sofa.

“Matthew!” he greeted, scooping to pick up the ferret

“I thought your ferret’s name was Freedom” the other man questioned

“It is, but that is my brother Matthew” Alfred gestured with his not-ferret hand

“Oh, should I go?” the man asked

“Um… Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind sweetie” Alfred turned to kiss the man “If Matthew’s here then somethings goin’ down and we need some quality bro time”

The man smiled, kissed Alfred again “let me know when to come back”

“Nah, gonna make you sleep on the street”

The man laughed as he exited, locking the door behind him

“You have a…?” Matthew waited for Alfred to fill in the blank as he watched his brother turn red

“Fiance” he admitted

“A secret, live in fiancé?”

“Maybe…” Alfred rubbed the back of his neck

“Why didn’t you tell me? Congratulations!”

“I didn’t want you to tell Dad and Papa.” Alfred sat with a thunk on the sofa next to Matthew “I know they mean well but they always say things about how we need to stay ‘safe’ but I was lonely Matthew and then I met…” his eyes shone as he looked toward the door

“I had no idea…” Matthew murmured, looking down at his hands, noticing the ring on Alfred’s “Okay, promise you’ll tell me everything but first I have something I need your help with”

Matthew detailed his relationship with Gilbert to his brother who, to his credit, sat patiently through the whole convoluted thing without saying a word. “And you just left?” he asked when Matthew was done

“What?”

“You just took vacation time and left without telling him?”

Matthew didn’t answer, which was answer enough for Alfred

“Matthew! You stopped being friends with him for _two weeks_ and then a week and a half into dating you up and _disappear_!? What the fuck dude?”

“I didn’t think of it like that”

“Well you shoulda!”

“I should text him?”

“You think!”

Matthew pulled out his phone to see that he had exactly one missed call and two texts from Gilbert. He cautiously looked at the texts

“Hey Birdie, you’re not at work. Just checkin’ in to see if you’re sick or slept in or whatever? Need me to cover? Xx”

“Laura says you’re on hols, guess you went to see family or something. Haha. Let me know when you get back. Xxx”

Matthew showed Alfred the texts “Its fine, see”

“Dude, he is not fine. Look at that second text, in fact, don’t, just call him!” Alfred shoved the phone at Matthew again

Gilbert picked up alarmingly quickly “Geez, did that even ring?” Matthew asked

“I was playing a game” Gilbert laughed

“My bad, listen…” Matthew moved away from Alfred who was staring at him intently “Sorry I didn’t tell you about the holiday thing. I – it was a bit impromptu and I didn’t think”

He expected Gilbert to say it was fine but no answer came

“Gil?”

“You scared me” Gilbert admitted

“I’m sorry” Matthew covered his face with his free hand “Ugh, I’m so bad at this” he laughed

“I don’t mind if you need space Birdie, really, I just… I like knowing whether you’re going to show up to work”

Matthew knew there was more to it than that “Gil?”

“My turn to be vulnerable” Gilbert joked “my mutti died when I was ten. She’d gone out for milk or bread or something and… well she never came back” he sighed “I get stressed when people disappear on me”

“Shit Gil, I didn’t even… I’m sorry. I, well I panicked” Matthew admitted “So I came to see Alfred – you know, my mysterious twin”

Alfred barked a laugh in the background

“The ferret guy?”

“Just because he has a ferret doesn’t mean he’s not useful, don’t be a judgey budgey!”

“Judgey budgey?”

“Yeah, you like it better than snowflake?”

Alfred could barely contain himself so Matthew let himself out the backdoor.

“That is an excellent question Birdie” Matthew could hear Gil smiling

“I’ll be back in a couple of days. I promise I’ll let you know”

“Okay, see you then”

“Lov-” Matthew choked

“You too Birdie”

As it turned out staying overnight with Alfred and his fiancé was potentially the worst way to discover if love was real. At least Matthew now knew his brother was happy, even if it was obnoxious. The fiancé was nice too but somewhat uncomfortable with Matthew being around. He supposed if said fiancé knew about their family he would worry that Matthew would convince Alfred that marriage was a bad idea.

 

Gilbert stopped at the shops on the way home and picked up some extras for dinner. He was in a good mood. Matthew wasn’t leaving him and he’d finished up a load of paperwork, the weekend was here and the sun was shining. When he saw what awaited him on his doorstep he good mood couldn’t help but get even better.

“I don’t know how to pick locks” Matthew greeted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Judgey Budgey' is one of the wonderful terms my lovely fiancee and I came up with since getting together (also includes Fail Whale).  
> Thankfully I have successfully finished this fic now and the last chapter/epilogue will be posted tomorrow for you to enjoy. Epilogue is officially really really short but finally a fluffy bit!


	5. Epilogue: “I was so worried about becoming my Dad that I didn’t realise I was turning into my Papa”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Fluff!

Matthew sat on the sofa in Gilbert’s flat. Gil sat across from him in the armchair. It brought forth flashes of memory from when Matthew was drunk but he couldn’t place any of it well enough. “Okay” Gil said for the fifth time since they’d got in. Matthew had thought he would be happy that Matthew was back and had come to see him and the way his face lit up when he saw Matthew waiting on his doorstep implied the same and yet here they were, not touching, Gil looking incredibly serious. Matthew wondered if Gil was breaking up with him, but that didn’t make sense. He’d all but said he loved Matthew.

“Okay” Gilbert said again “I’ve been trying to let you adjust to the whole dating thing”

Matthew bit his lip as his trepidation increased

“And I’m willing to balance your needs, Matt, but…” he wrung his hands together “Relationships go two ways. You dropping off the face of the earth without so much as a word isn’t okay. I’m happy you’re back, of course I am, and I’m so unbelievably happy that you came to see me first but it doesn’t change how I felt. I had to fight not to call and text and message you a hundred times when you didn’t respond. I’m needy Matt, its part of who I am. It was fine when we were just friends with benefits – not saying I want to go back to that but I wasn’t so worried about scaring you off with my clinginess back then”

“Gil stop”

Gilbert froze, looking up at Matthew again, eyes wide and filled with hope. Matthew took a deep breath

“I really don’t think your clinginess will be a problem. I… as long as you trust me” _Don’t accuse me of cheating because I would never do that_ “It could actually help? I guess it could reassure me that you’re thinking of me?” _Tell me you love me over and over until I can silence the voice in my head that tells me it’s not true, its not enough_ “I… I really am sorry I hurt you – both times I hurt you” Matthew rubbed his face “I was so worried about becoming my Dad that I didn’t realise I was turning into my Papa”

Gilbert’s face dropped “you didn’t…?”

Pain spiked in Matthew chest. How could Gil think that? “No! I wouldn’t cheat! I couldn’t! Gil!”

“I’m sorry! I just – you said you were your Papa, I took it too literally”

“I just mean I was so worried about getting hurt that I didn’t think about how I might hurt someone else”

“So, shall we move on?”

“Move on?”

“Tell me about your trip”

“The drive wasn’t bad, no traffic. I hate traffic jams, sitting in them makes my knee start to ache – old hockey injury. Freedom was cute. Alfred’s house is weirdly cowboy, you would have expected him to grow out of his cowboy phase but apparently not”

“I meant how was your brother” Gilbert clarified with an indulgent smile

“He’s secretly engaged”

“What?”

“Yeah, he didn’t want to tell us in case our parents ruined it by telling him to be careful”

“I can see where he’s coming from to be honest. What’s the fiancé like?”

“Barely spoke to him, Al asked him to give us some alone time and then… he’s not the friendliest, I think he was half convinced I was going to convince Al to leave him. Ugh, they’re so fucking lovey-dovey, it’s sickening”

“Is that why you were gone for almost a day”

“Shut up”

“Make me!”

Matthew stood and sauntered over to Gilbert, straddling him in the armchair glad of both the humongous size of the chair and the relative slimness of his boyfriend’s hips. He kissed Gilbert with passion, trying to put all of the feeling he still couldn’t quite voice into that kiss.

“Hey Birdie?” Gil said once their make out session had ceased and as Matthew was standing once more

“Yeah?”

“Love you”

Matthew stumbled “um, you too?” he tried

“I know” Gilbert smirked and sauntered into the kitchen “When you eventually tell me” he paused in the doorway and looked over his shoulder at the innocent look on Matthew’s face and smirked “I’ll give you the best reward of your life, but it’s okay, I can wait”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's that. Hope you enjoyed yourself, I know I did.


End file.
